Is it all about people?

I'm struggling, albeit happily, with the very wonderful realization that it's all about people, and it's not all about people at the same time.

While I was away, I was forced to face the dependence on people I had developed. In leaving my home, my job, my car and my cell phone behind, I was suddenly cut off from most forms of communication, unable to drive wherever I wanted to meet up with friends, and not being easily accessible in the same way that we all are now with our cell phones in our pockets wherever we go. While it was somewhat nice to have a break from all of the stimulation and instant gratification that Facebook and email provides, it was also really difficult to have this amount of time, 27 days, away from all of my normal forms of comfort: Vinnie, friends, family, connection to the outside world. I'm a connector, and I love being connected with people as much as possible.

I did have God, and having a month away from my closest friends was a great reminder that God is really the primary friend. Capital "F" Friend. It was nice to get reconnected to Him, although I hadn't really felt disconnected. It was just more that I hadn't put enough weight, energy, emphasis, into my relationship with Him. It was a good time to think about my Creator and this life that I have been given, and what is most important.

One thought I had was, "Is it all about people?" My whole life has been centered on people; my friends, my family, what I can do for them to enrich their lives, what they can do for me... I live for people, and after God, there is nothing that is more important to me than the connections I have in my life. Things that I do, choices that I make, sacrifices, employment positions, where I live, what I do with my time, what I spend money on... they all revolve around people. The other things, the actual job or the house or the hobbies, are just secondary, not as important as, not worth as much mental space or time as people.

And since I've been back, I've realized that while it is all about people, it is not about people as well. Weirdly, both are true.

If I were on a deserted island, and all I had was God, I know, somewhere in the center of my heart, that I would be okay. I may get lonely from time to time, I may want to hear something other than my own thoughts or own voice, but I would be okay. Because truly, we are all here in this existence by ourselves. We are surrounded by people all on their own individual journeys, but we have to make it on our own. Make our own decisions, be okay in our own skin, be okay with the life that we have created. And as I realized recently, we have to love ourselves. No matter how many times someone says, "I love you," it doesn't really "click" until we can feel that love for ourselves as well. No one can do it for us. 

We also can't depend on other people. Not because they are not dependable, but because it's not fair to other people to become dependent on them and to have that feeling of neediness in a relationship. We all need things from time to time, and can feel needy, but when it becomes more of a characteristic and a part of our identity than just having a bad day, it is too much. There is a great quote by author and priest Anthony de Mello which says, "Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you.” When we have dependency on other people, we tend to rely on them to make us happy instead of finding that happiness ourselves.

But on the other hand, somehow not contradictorily, it's all about people. We are not all on a deserted island; we are here together. And some of the best glimpses of God I have ever seen have been through my interactions with people. I think about all the ways I experience love even in a single day, and how much love there is in my life, and in the lives of those around me. All of this love, in my opinion, comes from God, as "God is love" (1 John 4:8). 

Jesus said, "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And ‘Love your neighbor as yourself'" (Matthew 22:37-39). Loving others is second only to loving God. 

So, today I was reflecting on some recent interactions with friends and family, and realizing this wonderful contradiction was rolling around in my mind. It was like realizing that it's all a win-win situation: We don't have to depend on people because we can depend on God, and also, there is so much love all around us, for us, like a gift that keeps overflowing. It was a great moment.