Abundance

As I was talking to a family member tonight about some financial issues (it's tax season, after all), I felt a sense of panic taking over my brain. I've had a couple of super-duper-major expenses since February, and also, because of my time away from work, I haven't gotten a full paycheck for almost 3 months. This combination of factors caused me to get caught in a mental loop of, "Holy moly, what am I going to do?"

I hung up the phone dejectedly, turning numbers over and over again in my mind. And feeling sorry for myself. I kept saying to myself, "Why did I ever want to be a teacher? Why did I ever want to work in non-profits?" What sounds like such a good idea as an 18-year old just entering college is sometimes not that realistic with real-life, mortgage/health insurance/transportation costs, ball-and-chain bills. After a few minutes of fretting, I realized I needed to break this negative thought-cycle before I got swept away.

I immediately found some chocolate, took a hot shower, and kissed Vinnie, my dog and go-to source of instant comfort. These 3 things may not solve my problems, but they make me feel better, at least temporarily.

I'm not sure if it was the chocolate, the shower, the Vinnie kiss, or a combination of all 3, but I started thinking of the situation I'm in now, and if I made the best decisions I could have made. And I decided that indeed, absolutely, I did. The two big expenses I've had since February were totally "worth it." One undoubtedly changed my life, "saved" my life in a sense, and the other will greatly improve Vinnie's quality of life. They were no-brainers, as far as making the decision of whether or not to spend the money on these things. The benefits of the first decision have only started showing up in my life, some of which I've written about in blog posts and on Facebook since early February. But even in just this short of a time, it is shaping up to be one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, if not the very best.

I also considered all of the examples of abundance I have experienced in the past couple months. My life has been so blessed recently, for so many different reasons. New job opportunities presenting themselves, landing right in front of me. New assignments, projects, even house-sitting gigs. Coincidentally (or divinely?), I've been asked by five different people recently if I would house- or dog-sit in the next couple months, and it's not even summertime. There have also been people reaching out to me, caring about me, showing me love and compassion and generosity. Family members helping me with a variety of things, friends randomly making me macaroni and cheese, inviting me to dinner, bringing me cookies, sending me loving emails, including me in events and then purchasing my ticket, letting me know of interesting opportunities, offering assistance before I had the chance to ask, rides to the airport, help with my taxes, thoughtful phone calls, out-of-the-blue messages and demonstrations of love. I have such an abundance of wonderful people in my life... both new connections, like the amazing and inspiring friends I met while I was away and also the recent date I went on, and the fantastic people I've had in my life for a while. If I think about the sheer quantity and quality of love I have in my life from these wonderful souls, I realize I am the richest person in the world.

As I looked at the situation a little differently with less panic and more gratitude, I realized that there is so much "good" in my life. Not just right now, but always. So many gifts, so many opportunities, so many friends and family members who seem to be going out of their way to bring goodness, affection, love, and abundance into my life. It is truly a wonderful thing to witness, and it is funny, comical even, to think for even an instant that I am lacking in any way. It is all going to work out, and not only that, but it is working out. I know that if I had to choose, I wouldn't want any other form of abundance in my life than what I am currently experiencing. I am so incredibly grateful.