My 1st Physical Healing

I am relatively new to Christian Science, having attended my local branch church in Bothell, WA, just in the past couple of years. I was not raised in the church, but rather learned about it from a coworker of mine, who is now a dear friend. Before this time, I had heard of Christian Science but hadn’t really known what it was. But as I learned more about the church and about its founder, Mary Baker Eddy, I became more interested and started attending Wednesday evening testimony meetings and Sunday services.

About a year ago, I had my first physical healing as a student of Christian Science: a healing of severe menstrual cramps. This is something that I had suffered from for over 15 years, and that I had just accepted as part of my reality. On this particular day in October 2010, it seemed worse than ever. I was at work and I didn’t seem to be able to do much more than just slump over my desk. Every once and a while I would try to sit up and answer some emails, but it was not a very productive morning at all. I tried to move around a little; I tried to drink some water, but no matter what I did, the pain did not abate.

After about 3 hours of this, the thought came to me to talk with my friend. I walked over, sat down, and shared with her what I was struggling with. This friend took one look at me, gave me a loving smile, and told me that I did not need to believe in this lie of discomfort and pain. She talked about the story from Genesis of Adam and Eve, and how the claim that there was a curse on women from Eve's sin was not true. She said that I did not have to accept this into my reality, and that I was God’s beautiful daughter, wholly spiritual. She reminded me that we were made in the image and likeness of God, and we could trust “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). She told me that we were blessed, not cursed, and we didn’t have to put up with anything less than good.

We talked for only about 5 minutes, but when I stood up I noticed that the pain was significantly less. A minute later, it was completely gone. Furthermore, I don't experience this pain anymore, and it has been such a freedom for me.

This first healing means a lot to me as it was a turning point in my study of Christian Science. It was an example in my own life that I could base other healings on, and it has also helped me in talking with other people about Christian Science and its healing effect. Shortly after this healing, I became more involved in church, and am now a member of my branch church and of the Mother Church. I am so overjoyed to have experienced such a wonderful expression of God’s healing love.

One God

Last weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a church retreat in Toronto with people from all over the world. The attendees are all involved in branch churches in their own communities and also involved in the overall broader movement of the church. At this weekend retreat, which was called a youth summit, I made a lot of new friends, reconnected with people I had met before at previous church retreats/events/church services, and had a lot of great spiritual insights. The theme of the weekend was "Unity: One world, One family, One God." Over the 3 days of the retreat, we kept coming back to this idea of One God, and the One Mind that unified us all; not just those of us at the retreat, but that unified everyone in the world.

I returned back to Seattle late Sunday night, so inspired and amazed at the wonderful weekend I had had. I couldn't wait to share these insights and spiritual ideas with my friends and family.

On Monday morning, I got a text from my mother saying that there had been a stabbing at Snohomish High School, where I had attended, and where my little sister currently attends. (This was a huge surprise, Snohomish is a very peaceful and safe place overall.) My mom's text was brief, just a fragment of a sentence. I quickly texted my sister, who thankfully had her phone with her and who immediately sent me a text back, saying she was okay. She seemed a little shook up, but said that she had gone home early, along with many of the other kids. I mentally wrapped my sister up in a blanket of love, and texted her back telling her how much I loved her. I did a quick search online and read that while 1 stab victim's injuries were serious, both victims had survived the attack.

Over the past few days since Monday morning, there has been such an outpouring of love from the community and neighboring communities. Not just love shown and expressed for the 2 victims, but also for the young suspect who is obviously having a rough time and made some incredibly poor choices. People who grew up in Snohomish but have since moved away have commented on the online news stories, expressing their love for the community and everyone who still lives there, the high school, the teachers and students, and anyone else involved. Neighboring high schools, rivals when it comes to football and soccer games, have sent over huge signs, filled with signatures and notes of support and love. A fund has been set up for people to donate to help the 2 victims and their families. A big boulder in the town, which is frequently spray painted to advertise upcoming football games/birthdays/events, now says, "Small town, big heart." And, yesterday, the rival high school decided to show solidarity and support for the students and staff at SHS by wearing SHS's school colors. There are pictures on Facebook showing a sea of students, all dressed in red, black, and white, and raising their arms towards the camera for the picture. These pictures brought tears to my eyes. The caption of one of these pictures reads, "2 schools. 1 Snohomish."

Last night I was thinking about this expression of unity, of 1 town, and how it related to the weekend summit's theme of 1 God and 1 source of good. We all come from 1 source, we are all made by the same Creator, and we are all created to be reflections of God. As Genesis says, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness" (Gen. 1:26). If we are all made in God's image, we all share the same God-like qualities and can express those qualities. The qualities of love, compassion, tenderness, generosity, and many others are certainly being expressed through the support of members of the community and surrounding areas. And what I love seeing is how that love and support and compassion extends to the young girl who hurt the 2 other girls... The entire high school and the entire community is wrapped up in this love, inclusive and not leaving anyone out. What a beautiful reality of truth, that nobody can be outside of God's love and care.

This unity is healing. It has already brought people of the community together, and already promoted feelings of love and affection for everyone involved. In just a few days, there has been such an outpouring of love. There have been so many true examples of these wonderful God-like qualities... the same God who created each and every one of us to be expressions of these qualities.

A Language of Love

Yesterday as I was driving, I was listening to my Farsi audio lessons on my car stereo. At one point, a Persian woman's voice joined in conversation with the Persian man who had thus far been leading the audio lessons. As soon as she started speaking, I was taken aback, as her voice sounded just like the voice of my best friend's mom. There were slight differences, but the similarity was so strong that I had to turn the stereo off for a minute to let my brain process this new information and the sudden memories I experienced in that moment. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next; but for that moment, I needed it to be quiet.

Here's some background:
One weekend in 2002, my Persian friend needed a ride to her parents' house up in Vancouver, Canada, and I was more than happy to take her there. Our college was a mere 20 minutes south of the Canadian border, which made the entire trip less than an hour long. She asked if I wanted to spend the weekend with her and her family, and I thought that sounded wonderful. She is such a lovely, fabulous friend, and I was excited to meet her family. Well, to make a long story short, I spent many weekends there, and grew closer and closer to her family. I started to pick up some Farsi, and then actively studied it so that I could communicate with my friend's grandmother, who didn't speak much English. I also loved to talk with my friend's mother, Atefeh, who was always so impressed with each new word and phrase I learned; her encouragement and delight with my progress in the language were what made me want to learn as much as I could, as fast as I could. And I not only enjoyed learning the language, but also just listening to it; at the time, to me Farsi was a language that was spoken by a woman who had so much love in her, so much love to share with people, and who was a light to those around her. In that sense, Farsi was a language of love for me. It was a sense of love that constantly called out terms of endearment such as, "Pisheh man," "Batcham," and "Azize delam." The very sound of it was like a big hug that wrapped me up in warmth.

In 2007, Atefeh became suddenly ill, and passed away 6 months later at the age of 57. I took it pretty hard. I didn't feel much of anything for 3 weeks; I was walking around in a haze. I don't even remember much of that time, except that there were a lot of visitors, and a lot of tea. LOTS of tea.

During that time, I worked with adult ESL students, many of them Iranians. Before, when Iranians would come to our office and to our classes, it was as if my soul would light up. I quickly would walk over and strike up a conversation with them. I was often called to our office lobby to translate for them as they were signing up for classes, and also just to give them a sense of comfort or of comraderie if they were nervous about the test-taking process to get into the classes. I loved these interactions. However, after Atefeh passed away, I dreaded being called into the lobby and having to speak Farsi. It was like my brain suddenly rejected Farsi, and I couldn't stand the sound of it anymore. My thinking, however erroneous, was that I didn't want to hear Farsi unless it was coming out of Atefeh's mouth. Otherwise, it just made me cry. I wanted her to be the one talking to me in Farsi, wanted her to be the one saying, "Ofareen!" or "Ghourbounet beram", or the dozens of other loving things that just flowed out of Ati's mouth when she spoke to me. As loving as my Persian students were and as appreciative as they were when I fumbled through my Farsi in my attempt to help them, my heart wasn't there. Or, maybe it was there too much; every word, every sound, and every Persian-style gesture that my students demonstrated as I talked with them was so painful for me. As soon as I could, I would retreat from the lobby back to my office and then try to shove the Farsi out of my brain as quickly as possible.

As time went on, the pain lessened and I was able to communicate more effectively in Farsi, with both my students and with my friend and her family. I didn't strive to learn new Persian words as I had before, but the sound of Farsi became like a beautiful song to my ears once again. I started listening to Googoosh (a Persian singer) again, I attempted some conversation with my friend, and I didn't have that same sense of sadness anytime I was newly introduced to someone from Iran.

After a year or two, I started becoming more involved with Christian Science. I had been introduced to CS by a coworker and dear friend, and started attending Wednesday evening testimony meetings and then eventually the church service on Sundays. And I started feeling a sense of healing in regards to Atefeh. One significant point of healing was a year or 2 after she passed away, when she appeared in my dream one night. She was smiling and laughing, and I remember that she came up to me and gave me a big hug. With that hug, I suddenly realized that she had not gone, that she had always been there. In that moment, I saw that the idea that she was no longer with me was a lie. It was as if a horrible untruth had suddenly been exposed for what it was, and the glorious, correct Truth was standing in front of us in the form of her presence! She was right next to me, she was in my heart, she had been there the whole time, and she always would be. That next day, I gave a testimony about this dream at a Wednesday evening meeting at the church. This dream was a revelation to me.

A few months later, I started talking with a Christian Science practitioner for help with the lingering feelings of grief and loss. We talked about Atefeh, about how she was always with me even when I couldn't see her, and about the love that she gave me. We talked about how this love was God's love, reflected through her onto me, Father-Mother Love. Through this time, I gradually started wanting to learn and speak Farsi again. It just seemed like something I wanted to do, something I had a desire to do. And it was the first time in almost 3 years that I truly wanted to continue my Farsi study again. Talking with this practitioner and feeling the overwhelming sense of God's Love and Truth guiding me and our conversations, I suddenly felt that Farsi no longer had the sadness or the grief attached to it; in the past, it had been a representation of such a strong sense of love for me, and what could possibly change that, ever? Love is by definition God, and God cannot suddenly change from something loving to something sad. God is unchangeable, and could never represent anything mournful or filled with regret or loss. With these thoughts, Farsi again became the beautiful language that it had been for me before, a language of Love.

Over the past few months, I have again strived to learn new vocabulary and carry on conversations in Farsi. What was once a joy in my life, learning a new language, has returned and become a joy again, and the sadness that was attached to it for a couple of years has disappeared. It also became clear to me that what was once a blessing and a comfort to me, my love of Farsi and of everything Iranian, didn't change into something negative; I had thought, mistakenly, that when Atefeh passed away, her love for me and her comforting presence left me alone, and the sudden loss made me want to expunge Farsi from my brain. I know now that Love never left my side. It was always there, unchanging and constant, as God's everpresence and steady comfort.

Yesterday in my car, as I was listening to the Farsi audio lessons, I felt again that Ati was there. After a several-year-long hiatus of learning Farsi, when I finally decided to come back to something that I loved, I was blessed with the memories and the effects of her love on my life, and how she reflected God's love. Hearing a voice that was so similar to hers, it was as if she was telling me, "I'm STILL here, STILL encouraging you, and I have been with you this entire time." It just took a decision on my part to return, and the love that I had always felt when communicating in Farsi was right there waiting for me.

In God's presence, always!

Or,
Nothing out of place

Sometime in March of 2011, I woke up and felt some discomfort around my rib cage. This had happened before—every couple of months or so for a few years. In previous occurrences I would just stretch until I heard a popping sound, and then everything would feel better. 

However, on this particular day, no amount of stretching made any difference. Something inside my chest felt out of place, and it was painful to breathe throughout the day.

At the time I was a new student of Christian Science, and towards the end of the day, the idea came to me to deal with this challenge using what I’d learned in studying Christian Science. 

That night I attended a Wednesday evening testimony meeting at the Christian Science church I attend. Part of the meeting is a time for testimonies, where people can stand up and share healings and spiritual insights they have had in practicing Christian Science. 

While I was sitting in a pew waiting for the next person to share a testimony, I thought of God’s ever-presence and a quote by Mary Baker Eddy: “Spirit is supreme and all-presence” (Science and Health, p. 278).

I thought about how I’d perceived my ribs to be out of place—as if something in me, something God had created, could ever be out of place or not right where it should be. But Christian Science taught me that nothing in God’s existence could ever be anywhere else than where it should be.

This made me think of a situation I was having with my job at the time. I’d recently left my teaching position of five years to take a job in a completely different field, with a local non-profit organization. 
This new job came as an answer to a prayer, but after the first week or two, I wasn’t sure it was the right placement for me after all. 

As I sat in church, I realized I could never be in the wrong spot if God was with me. At once I felt at peace with my current job. God had opened the doors for me to have this job. And since He was there guiding my every move, I knew then that at that time in my life, it was the perfect place of employment for my particular God-given skills and interests.

At that moment, I suddenly felt an almost tangible presence that God was right there with me. It felt like His presence and love were like a blanket surrounding me. This warm and embracing feeling encompassed my entire body, head to foot. 

The thought came to me: if God is here, closer than my breath, and He is in the right place at all times, then I couldn’t possibly be in the wrong place. And nothing within me could be in the wrong place either. 
A verse from Deuteronomy explains how close and present God is: “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed” (Deut. 31:8). 

I felt so peaceful—like I was exactly where I should be, with God orchestrating everything to follow His perfection. By the time the service ended, the pain in my chest had lessened. For the rest of the night, I thought of His presence and how everything was just as it should be. Nothing could be out of place. And by the next morning, the pain was completely gone. 

I was so grateful. A few months later, I started to feel a bit of discomfort in my rib cage again. But the discomfort disappeared again moments after I reminded myself of the truths I knew and the peace I’d experienced from this wonderful healing. 

Since then, I’ve not experienced any further discomfort from my rib cage. I’m so grateful for God’s omnipresence, and I’m grateful for Christian Science, which is with me the whole time. 



Love is a Blanket
I’m wrapped up in a blanket of Love,
A good and “perfect gift” from above.
Keeping me safe, secure, and warm,
Uniquely fitted, a customized form.
Love is an ever-present protection,
Surrounding me as His own reflection.
Love is always in the right place,
And encompassing me in every case,
Where I am is correct and right,
Bathed in Love’s wonderful light.

--KB

The lies we believe

Have you ever believed something that someone told you, even though it seemed incredibly implausible? What is even more bizarre is that sometimes we believe lies about ourselves, things people claim that we are or labels they give us, when there is really no basis or evidence for these claims.

One evening, about 10 years ago, I was playing Taboo (or some game that was very similar) with 2 of my close friends. The concept of the game is to draw a card with a word on it, and to give the other players enough clues so that they are able to guess the word. There is a small list of other words on the card that they cannot use, and these are usually words that would make the challenge of the game practically non-existent. For example, if the word on the card was "kangaroo", you couldn't use the following words: pouch, hop, animal, Australia, captain.

So my friends and I were playing this game. Let's call 1 friend "Maria" and the other friend "Alice." It was Maria's turn to try to get Alice and me to guess. Maria drew a card, and suddenly got a big smile on her face. Alice and I knew this meant that the word was an easy one, and we were ready to guess! :) Maria said, "Okay! This is something that I just got." Alice and I looked at each other and simultaneously shouted, "A tattoo!" We were so pleased with our quick answer and our coinciding brilliance.

However, Maria looked really confused, and then shook her head. Suddenly, the 3 of us burst out laughing. Maria hadn't gotten a tattoo at all. Something about the phrasing of Maria's prompt made Alice and I instantly think of "tattoo," but that was not the case at all. I don't even think Maria wanted, or will ever want, a tattoo. And I have no idea why Alice and I both said that, with such confidence, at the same time! The correct answer was "a job." Maria had just been hired for a part-time job after school.

What was even funnier was that as soon as Alice and I screamed, "A tattoo!" with such conviction, Maria questioned this false statement herself. After our laughter died down, she told us that she had a momentary feeling of panic that she HAD gotten a tattoo. After all, Alice and I told her that she had! :) She had to double-check the card in front of her (and her memory) to reassure herself that hadn't gotten a tattoo and that that wasn't the key word.

I was reading the Christian Science Sentinel today, and there was an article in there that reminded me of this story from my childhood. The article talked about how, even though we can feel pretty confident in what we know, all it takes is a little lie to throw us off course. We may be CERTAIN that we don't have a tattoo, or that we are good at our job, or that our cooking skills are pretty good. But then one seed of doubt comes along, one bad review at work, one child who doesn't like vegetables, and all our confidence goes out the window.

In my experience, it has been essential, even life-saving, to know what is true about me. When doubts try to walk through the door of my thought, or climb through the windows, or even dig a hole under the foundation of my house (they can be pretty persistent sometimes!), I have to hold onto what I know to be true. Some of these truths about me are that I am a beautiful creation of God, made in His image and likeness, I have many good qualities, and that God loves me, has always loved me, and will always love me. These are the facts of my identity, and I should not believe any lies about who I am or what my true identity is.

In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy, she says, “Stand porter at the door of thought" (Page 392). Sometimes when I am questioning my identity, or my goodness, I think of this passage and it reminds me to be in control of the thoughts that I have. I ask myself, "What am I letting in to my thought?" If it is not positive, doesn't uplift me in any way, or is not from God, does it really belong there?

It may seem preposterous to suddenly think you have a tattoo just because someone tells you so. Along these lines of reasoning, it is also equally preposterous to believe a lie about our character or our lack of goodness. Our true nature, our truth, comes from God, and whatever anyone else tells us is only true if it aligns with what God already knows about us.

God, Vinnie, and me

I recently adopted a puppy from a local animal shelter. After some deliberation and brainstorming, my friend suggested the name "Vincent" for my puppy, and it stuck, but I call him "Vinnie" for short. He is a medium-sized dog, a mix between a yellow labrador and a beagle. He has a lot of energy and always keeps me on my toes. While raising and training a puppy is challenging at times, I am amazed by how much this dog teaches me about life and even about my own relationship with God.

When Vinnie gets hurt or scared, he comes running to me, and he whimpers if I don't immediately notice that he is in pain. He trusts me and knows I will take care of him. I feed him every day, give him affection, create safe boundaries for him, make sure he acts appropriately with gentle but firm reminders about his behavior, and am there for him and with him every day.

Vinnie trusts me and feels secure in my presence. His innocent trust and reliance on me remind me of the reliance and trust that are in my relationship with God. When I feel hurt or am dealing with a challenge, I should be going straight to God, like Vinnie comes straight to me. God is always there for me, always feeds and comforts me, and is with me every day just like I am with Vinnie every day. But sometimes I wonder if I have the same trust in God that Vinnie has in me. Do I pray as soon as I am in discomfort, or do I try to figure it out by myself first, as if I know better than God?

Along the same lines, what would it look like if Vinnie tried to solve all his problems on his own? I imagine Vinnie running out of food, and trying to open the front door of our place so he can run to the nearest PetSmart. Poor little guy wouldn't know what to do when he found out he couldn't turn the doorknob without thumbs. And when he DID get to PetSmart, I have no doubt that he could sniff out his favorite food. But then how would he pay for the food, once he dragged the 38.5 pound (17.4 kg) bag to the counter? I've certainly never seen the little guy sporting a wallet, and I don't give him an allowance or anything.

I start to wonder if I am as ineffectual when I try to do things on my own, without looking to God as my source of good. I just don't have the tools or the resources, much like Vinnie lacks the thumbs, to get the job done or to care for myself effectively. All I need to do is trust in God, and all these things will be provided for. "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? ... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6: 31, 33). In my almost 30 years on this earth, I have never suffered from not having something; God has always provided. This also reminds me of a quote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494).

So is the conclusion that Vinnie is smarter than me when it comes to knowing who to turn to in times of trouble? Quite possibly. But Vinnie seems to demonstrate many wonderful qualities that I would also like to demonstrate. There is so much in him that is God-like; he is so loving, trusting, affectionate, comforting, supportive, kind, and he is always there. I saw a video on YouTube that really spoke to me, about the qualities that dogs have that remind us of qualities that God has. The link to the video is here. One of my favorite lines of the song in the video is, "They (God and dogs) would stay with us all day; I'm the one that walks away. But both of them just wait for me, and dance at my return with glee" (GoD And DoG, Wendy Francisco).

That childlike sense of innocence and trust that Vinnie shows me every day inspire me to relate to God in that same way, without giving a second thought to "fixing things my way" or trying to solve problems myself before going to Him. Why wait to run to him? He has been there right by my side for every step of my life, and He will be with me forever. All I have to do is reach out and take His hand.

Fearless Warrior Princess

Yesterday I ran in the Warrior Dash, a 5k+ run that is essentially a big obstacle course. The course includes mud pits, fire hurdles, and climbing over junked-up cars. It was pretty amazing, and I had a great time, even though I didn't GET a great time. But I wasn't running for that purpose anyway, and neither were a lot of the participants. It was pretty obvious from the moment I walked onto the field and headed towards the starting line that people were mainly just interested in having a good time. Many people were dressed in costumes (I saw an Alice and Mr. Rabbit, complete with a blue dress for Alice and a cane for the rabbit), had on face paint, and I even saw a couple of guys donning kilts. (This made the wall-climb and rope ladders a bit precarious, but that's for another post.)

I had originally signed up for the Warrior Dash in November, when one of my long-time friends encouraged his Facebook friends to join him for the run. Seeing as the big event wasn't until July, 8 months later, I impulsively signed up. No matter that I hadn't run in a race for over 10 years, or that I didn't really like exercise that much, beyond the daily walks with Vinnie, my pooch. In 8 months, anything could happen! :) And I was sure I would be in shape by then. I called my dear friend to go with us, a 3rd, and as he was trying to nap at the time, he quickly agreed as long as I promised not to bug him for the rest of the night. Score!

So fast-forward to the end of June, 3 weeks ago. I still hadn't gone on a single run to train for the event. Finally, one afternoon I took Vinnie out and we went for a jog. As Vinnie had never gone jogging with me, he was a bit confused. He kept trying to stop to sniff the grass and pee on the bushes, but we were NOT stopping. I was going to run a mile or 2 if it killed me. The next week, I joined a running group and ran with them 1 time before the date of the Warrior Dash. But hey, 1 time was better than 0 times.

I woke yesterday, the day of the race, with butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't sure how this was going to be, or if I would survive. I quickly jumped in the shower (not sure why I showered before a run full of mud and gunk, but I wasn't thinking, obviously... and obviously not when I signed up for the run, either, or the 8 months I spent NOT training). I checked my phone for the time, and saw that I had missed 2 calls, and had a text message. The butterflies in my stomach increased their frantic flapping, as I knew who had called before I saw his name. It was my friend, calling to cancel. He wasn't feeling well. Ah, well... At least I had my other friend... right???

Another text message came to my phone, this time from Facebook. One of our mutual friends commented on my post about the run, wishing me luck and apologizing that our mutual friend was out of town for a job interview. Wow. I hadn't known this. I quickly texted my friend with the job interview to confirm, and to wish him luck.

So... on my own. And what to do? I quickly grabbed my gear and jumped in the car, figuring I could get to the site of the run and then decide. I figured I would bail on the run as well, but seeing as I was dressed and ready to go, it wouldn't hurt to go. Worst case scenario, I could take pictures of all the other muddy participants.

On my way to the site in North Bend, a dear friend called me. When she heard that my 2 running partners were not running, she consoled me. However, she quickly followed that up with, "But you are a Fearless Warrior Princess! You can do it, Warrior Princess! You go and have fun." Suddenly, I knew that even though I was alone, I could totally do this! I WAS fearless, AND a warrior (although I wasn't so sure about the princess part, but I guess in God's eyes I'm a princess), and I could kick some butt!

I remember a Christian Science practitioner telling me once that I could forget about being nervous or intimidated, 2 very common emotions for me, because I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14). As I was running in the Warrior Dash yesterday, my friend's comments about me being a warrior princess, and this bible verse, were running through my mind. With this wonderful soundtrack, I finished the race and had a great time doing it.