Time and Anniversaries

Time and memories and anniversaries are strange things, and too huge of topics to adequately address in a single blog post. However, I have some ideas and experiences I’d like to share.

I realized that exactly a year ago today I was wandering around London, looking for a church that I wasn’t sure I was going to find. I’d been to that church the previous year in 2010, but at that time a London-dwelling friend had walked me there, so obviously I had tuned out on the way over and had no idea where it was. J This time, I searched back and forth through several neighborhoods, up and down windy streets, with no international GPS on my phone to help me. I started to panic. It was important to me to go to this church, and what if I couldn’t find it? After at least an hour, maybe two, I finally stumbled across it, hidden away on a remote street.

I can’t adequately describe the sense of elation I felt right then; that church, although I’d only been once before, had felt like my church away from home. (For another post on church being “home,” click here.) The time I attended in 2010 was one of the most loving, spiritual moments of my life; I remember feeling that God was so close, embracing me, and I felt so peaceful and, well, so loved. So this time, in 2011, tears immediately came to my eyes as soon as I realized I’d found it again. I was relieved, and super excited to be able to attend again. And to top it all off, one of my dear friends attended that church, and I couldn’t wait to see her.  

(Speaking of anniversaries, something else happened that same night that I remember because it was so substantial. As I was walking home from the church, my foot started aching for no reason that I could figure out. I was alarmed to find that I couldn’t do much walking around for the next 5 days. I had a pretty amazing healing, which I’ll write about more extensively in another post.)

The concept of time and anniversaries is so present in our lives. We live in a society that is bound to a calendar. We have day planners, online schedules, time frames… Some of us even have an “internal clock” and can almost pinpoint the time, without checking our cell phone or watch. We are constantly being reminded what time it is, where we have to be in 5 minutes, what our next commitment is. It has become so ingrained into our nature and our way of doing things. I wonder if we rely on calendars too much; there are good sides and bad sides to being so aware of time, and I’ll talk about both below.

Sometimes this dependence, this obsession, with time can seem like a ball and chain. I had a boss who always said, “When I retire, I’m going to sit on the beach and never wear a watch again.” I loved that. The Bible says, “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (2 Peter 3:8). God does not have the same idea of time as we do. He is not limited in His view of time, and being eternal and infinite, He has no beginning and no end. It definitely gives us another perspective of existence, if we think about ourselves as God’s creation and as having no spiritual beginning or end. Likewise, Jesus seemed to have the same timelessness. ”Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). And I feel that we are like that, too. Obviously we change and progress and grow, but there was never a time where there wasn’t a “Katie.” Even before I was born, and long after I die, I was and will be an idea of God’s. No beginning and no end.

On the advantageous side, time is useful with work and planning events, and it definitely helps us be more efficient. If I could just roll into work at any hour of the day and leave whenever I felt I’d spent enough “time” there, I’d probably be there about 3 hours each day. This would obviously be a problem. Many of us adhere to the 40hour/week work schedule (or 50, or 60…) and while it may seem rigid at times, it helps us be productive and get things done. In that sense, having a concept of time is essential. Many industries rely on time and schedules as the main “product” they are selling, such as airlines, train stations, the US Postal Service, schools, farmers, etc. Here, time is integral to the quality of the service.

As with time, remembering anniversaries can also have a positive side as well as a negative side. I think that the anniversaries in our lives can give us opportunities to recall important events, whether they were happy or sad. If they were happy, they are a time for celebration and rejoicing. We can relive our wedding day or the days our children were born or the day we graduated college. However, if the event was sad or was a day of loss, these anniversaries can give us opportunities to remind ourselves of the love in our lives. I think about the day that my friend’s mom passed away a few years ago, and each year on that date we call each other and share a loving story, recall a funny memory, or just check in with each other to say, “I was thinking about you today and I love you.”

What I don’t want to do with anniversaries is to get wrapped up in regret or guilt. Sometimes I find myself thinking, longingly, “If only it were last year at this same time… I would have done things differently.” This is not helpful thinking, and makes me feel bad instead of looking forward. If an anniversary just makes me feel like beating myself up, then it is useless. But if I can embrace the good that is present, and exists yesterday and today and tomorrow, then it can be a time for healing and a time for love.

Today I’m focusing on the gratitude and the relief I felt when I stumbled across my “London church” last year. It will always be a special place for me, and I am grateful that something that happened a year ago, 2 years ago, 10 years ago, can still positively affect my experience today.