I recently became a member of The Mother Church, and I am so excited to have made this commitment. It has helped me feel more of a part of something that I have always cared so deeply about. In being a member, I feel more connected to the goals of the Church and the goals of Christian Scientists—to be healers for their individual communities and for the whole world.
In November, 2011, after becoming a member, I visited Boston for the first time, to see The Mother Church. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time, and being there was an amazing experience. During my time in Boston, I met so many people who all seemed to share the same love for Christian Science and healing that I have. Seeing their commitment re-enforced my original reason for becoming a member of The Mother Church, which was to become more directly involved in the Christian Science movement and to do whatever I could to support the progress of the movement and the Church.
I feel that being a member of The Mother Church comes with its responsibilities. We don’t become members to simply be passive attendees at church, or to just have a piece of paper that says we are a member; there is more to it than that. I think that as church members, one of our responsibilities is to “stand porter at the door of thought” (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 392). We must guard our thought, so that it is protecting and caring for the Church, Christian Science, and the world.
So far membership in The Mother Church has been such a blessing. Becoming a member has made me feel stronger and more supported as I work to achieve my goal of becoming a better healer, and possibly a future full-time Christian Science practitioner. Membership was a way to show my commitment to Christian Science. It was also a commitment to myself—to continue with my prayers and with my study as a serious student of this Science.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Traveling and always having a sense of "home"
I love to travel. I love going to new places, eating new food, meeting new people, listening to new music, hearing new languages, taking new pictures. And sometimes when I travel, no matter how much fun I am having or how much I am enjoying all of the new things, I think about home. I tend to travel by myself for the most part, and sometimes I just want somebody or something familiar around me. I want to call a friend back home, or eat some familiar food, or listen to some familiar music. I bring my bible wherever I go (actually, on this last trip to Ethiopia, my bible was on my phone which made it extremely portable), and that always helps. God's love is always familiar and is always present, wherever we are in the world.
When I'm feeling homesick, I seek out people or experiences that have positive connotations for me. I think everyone probably does the same. If you drink coffee and are in a foreign country, aren't you relieved when you see a Starbucks? When I was with a group of teachers in China, some people did not like having dumplings for breakfast, and each morning they would make a beeline for the nearby McDonald's. However, when I first started traveling (I think my first overseas trip was to Spain/Andorra in 2003), I was surprised that I even thought about home. I had wanted to travel so badly, and then here I was, all by myself in Europe and having the time of my life. Why was I thinking of home as if I wanted to be there? But I was. And my first instinct was to go find a Persian restaurant.
One of my best friends is Persian, and her family sort of became my 2nd family. They essentially adopted me into their family, even though I was 20 years old at the time I met them. Spending so much time with them, naturally becoming a part of the family, was one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me.
So when I traveled, it became a habit to get off the plane, get settled in to my hostel or hotel or friend's house, and then seek out the nearest Persian restaurant to kind of ease into my new surroundings. Some places were more diverse than others, and in some places it was pretty difficult or impossible to find anything different from the prominant culture. And that was okay too. After all, the new culture/people/food were the reasons I traveled in the first place.
In the past couple of years, this has shifted a bit. I travel to a new place, get settled, and then, instead of seeking out a Persian place right away, I seek out a Christian Science church or organization or Reading Room (the Google search for "Persian restaurant" comes 2nd :). I have been attending a Christian Science church pretty regularly for 3 years now, and it is like a second home to me. I also really enjoy meeting people in other cities and countries who attend Christian Science churches. I feel like when I am in a new place and don't know anyone, don't know the landscape, don't know the food, I can walk into a CS church and feel like I sort of know what's going on. I feel a sense of familiarity with the lesson (the same CS lesson is read all around the world on any given Sunday), the music in the hymnals, and sometimes even the people there. The CS community is pretty big, but small enough that I recognize names and faces from articles that they have written in the periodicals. Or maybe I attended a lecture that they gave when they traveled to Seattle. Or maybe they are a friend of a friend of someone who goes to my church back home. Whatever the case may be, it feels like home when I walk into a Christian Science branch church, no matter what city or state or country I'm in at the time.
It is funny how our sense of home changes and shifts throughout our lives. I still always make sure to look for Persian restaurants, because Persians will always signify "home" to me. But my sense of home is broadening and widening as I learn more and live more. And with each new experience, I find that there are always things, both little and big, that give me yet another feeling of being at home. It may be a dog park on a busy thoroughfare in Barcelona; a gelato shop in Ethiopia; a Shakira song playing in every Peruvian store and cafe, the same song that played in Seattle months before leaving for Peru. These things all make me feel at home, and feel connected to the place I happen to be in at that moment.
At one point I feel that the world will not seem quite so big. We are all connected, all wonderful beings, all a part of this beautiful existence. We are always home.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Hitting the Financial Wall?
This is an experience I had recently, in the past couple of weeks. Sometimes I'm amazed at the number of blessings in my life, and how they come about. Always a surprise and always a gift.
A couple of weeks ago I thought I had hit my financial wall. My roommate moved out in early December and I had made the choice to, for the time being, not advertise for another roommate. I opted to live by myself and see how that played out financially. However, in the few months since December, things seemed to get tighter and tighter, money-wise. From the material standpoint, I faced a daunting challenge. I did the math again and again, and it just didn't seem as though I could continue living by myself and also pay the mortgage. Also, there were a number of projects and activities that I was (and am currently) working on, and these projects, while inspired by love and good intentions, did not seem to be helping the financial picture. To sum it up, I was starting to feel as if I was speeding head-on towards an impenetrable wall.
I spoke with a dear friend about this, and was gently reminded that God is always there with me. We talked about how it was guaranteed that the resources would be provided; we are God's children and He cares for us. Our future is secure, our present -- our NOW -- is secure, our health is secure, our well-being is secure. My friend's loving comments, inspired by Truth and God's word, were such a relief to me. For the next few days, I thought about the concept of always being provided for, of always being in the presence of God's Love and care and generosity.
Mary Baker Eddy has a statement in her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures that talks about this divine provision: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494). I thought about this, and prayed to see how this would be manifested in my life. And then things started to happen, 1 by 1, and the situation didn't seem nearly as challenging as before.
Some of these happenings seemed to be so random, but I knew that these things were all orchestrated by God. In the book of Romans it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good" (Romans 8:28). For example, I was driving up to Canada for the weekend and remembered that I had a bank account in Bellingham, which is between my current home and Canada. The account was from my days at Western Washington University, and the bank account still had some money in it. I checked my wallet and sure enough, the debit card was still there and was current. A few days before, I had received a random check in the mail (a Jiffy Lube rebate) that I had forgotten about. And even the smallest things were so appreciated and, frankly, made me realize that God was looking out for me and maybe even had a bit of a sense of humor about it. I laughed one afternoon while I was walking Vinnie, my dog. He stopped somewhere and was sniffing something; I looked down, and he had found a crisp $1 bill in the grass. So small, but it was just a reminder that things happen in ways we would never even think of. Furthermore, if I could train Vinnie to sniff out money, that would be something else...
I was already feeling pretty good at this point; not because the material situation had changed that much, but because I was feeling God's presence and realizing that I didn't have to worry. These events were like little gifts, and they gave me hope that things were going to be all right. In the next few days, I received 2 inquiries about dogsitting, something that I do on the side for friends and coworkers. A few other things happened over a course of 2 weeks that were just more reminders of God's constant care and love.
As I thought about the above quote from Mary Baker Eddy, and thought about the recent blessings I was allowing myself to be aware of, I also was reminded of a similar experience a few months before when I was preparing to go on my trip to London and Ethiopia. The financial situation seemed a bit grim then too, but in wonderful and unexpected ways, everything was completely provided for. I hadn't needed to worry. In that situation, I was starting the preliminary steps to establish my non-profit, and was buying plane tickets to Ethiopia and back. At the same time, I still needed to put time and money into the non-profit to get as much work done on it as I could before I reached Ethiopia; once I got there, I wasn't sure how much time I would have for paperwork and for getting things in order, so I wanted the organization to be up and running by then.
But... things kept happening before I left for Ethiopia and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go. And with each thing that happened, there was suddenly a solution. My car broke down a couple of times right before I was going to buy the plane tickets, but a mechanic friend fixed it for me both times. One evening, I wasn't sure how I was going to afford to buy gas for my car to get to work the next morning. I was packing for my trip and cleaning my room at the same time, and as I was cleaning, I found a gas gift card that I hadn't used yet. Also while cleaning my room, I found a bunch of foreign currency (bills from Malaysia, Thailand, China) that I hadn't yet exchanged at the bank. Also in the weeks before I left for my trip, I experienced so much love and support from my friends and family; it was so heart-warming. I don't even remember talking about the tight situation that I thought I was in, but it didn't matter that I hadn't talked about it; God knew, and that was all that mattered. People reached out and helped me with everything that I needed. It was remarkable.
There are so many things that we don't know, so many situations we are faced with that may seem difficult or extreme or impossible... And in my experience, it seems that the solutions come in ways that I never would have expected. God provides so much good in our lives, so many gifts and blessings, and I find that when I take a deep breath and trust in Him, I enjoy seeing how all of these things unfold. It is always a surprise, always a blessing, and I'm so grateful.
A couple of weeks ago I thought I had hit my financial wall. My roommate moved out in early December and I had made the choice to, for the time being, not advertise for another roommate. I opted to live by myself and see how that played out financially. However, in the few months since December, things seemed to get tighter and tighter, money-wise. From the material standpoint, I faced a daunting challenge. I did the math again and again, and it just didn't seem as though I could continue living by myself and also pay the mortgage. Also, there were a number of projects and activities that I was (and am currently) working on, and these projects, while inspired by love and good intentions, did not seem to be helping the financial picture. To sum it up, I was starting to feel as if I was speeding head-on towards an impenetrable wall.
I spoke with a dear friend about this, and was gently reminded that God is always there with me. We talked about how it was guaranteed that the resources would be provided; we are God's children and He cares for us. Our future is secure, our present -- our NOW -- is secure, our health is secure, our well-being is secure. My friend's loving comments, inspired by Truth and God's word, were such a relief to me. For the next few days, I thought about the concept of always being provided for, of always being in the presence of God's Love and care and generosity.
Mary Baker Eddy has a statement in her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures that talks about this divine provision: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494). I thought about this, and prayed to see how this would be manifested in my life. And then things started to happen, 1 by 1, and the situation didn't seem nearly as challenging as before.
Some of these happenings seemed to be so random, but I knew that these things were all orchestrated by God. In the book of Romans it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good" (Romans 8:28). For example, I was driving up to Canada for the weekend and remembered that I had a bank account in Bellingham, which is between my current home and Canada. The account was from my days at Western Washington University, and the bank account still had some money in it. I checked my wallet and sure enough, the debit card was still there and was current. A few days before, I had received a random check in the mail (a Jiffy Lube rebate) that I had forgotten about. And even the smallest things were so appreciated and, frankly, made me realize that God was looking out for me and maybe even had a bit of a sense of humor about it. I laughed one afternoon while I was walking Vinnie, my dog. He stopped somewhere and was sniffing something; I looked down, and he had found a crisp $1 bill in the grass. So small, but it was just a reminder that things happen in ways we would never even think of. Furthermore, if I could train Vinnie to sniff out money, that would be something else...
I was already feeling pretty good at this point; not because the material situation had changed that much, but because I was feeling God's presence and realizing that I didn't have to worry. These events were like little gifts, and they gave me hope that things were going to be all right. In the next few days, I received 2 inquiries about dogsitting, something that I do on the side for friends and coworkers. A few other things happened over a course of 2 weeks that were just more reminders of God's constant care and love.
As I thought about the above quote from Mary Baker Eddy, and thought about the recent blessings I was allowing myself to be aware of, I also was reminded of a similar experience a few months before when I was preparing to go on my trip to London and Ethiopia. The financial situation seemed a bit grim then too, but in wonderful and unexpected ways, everything was completely provided for. I hadn't needed to worry. In that situation, I was starting the preliminary steps to establish my non-profit, and was buying plane tickets to Ethiopia and back. At the same time, I still needed to put time and money into the non-profit to get as much work done on it as I could before I reached Ethiopia; once I got there, I wasn't sure how much time I would have for paperwork and for getting things in order, so I wanted the organization to be up and running by then.
But... things kept happening before I left for Ethiopia and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go. And with each thing that happened, there was suddenly a solution. My car broke down a couple of times right before I was going to buy the plane tickets, but a mechanic friend fixed it for me both times. One evening, I wasn't sure how I was going to afford to buy gas for my car to get to work the next morning. I was packing for my trip and cleaning my room at the same time, and as I was cleaning, I found a gas gift card that I hadn't used yet. Also while cleaning my room, I found a bunch of foreign currency (bills from Malaysia, Thailand, China) that I hadn't yet exchanged at the bank. Also in the weeks before I left for my trip, I experienced so much love and support from my friends and family; it was so heart-warming. I don't even remember talking about the tight situation that I thought I was in, but it didn't matter that I hadn't talked about it; God knew, and that was all that mattered. People reached out and helped me with everything that I needed. It was remarkable.
There are so many things that we don't know, so many situations we are faced with that may seem difficult or extreme or impossible... And in my experience, it seems that the solutions come in ways that I never would have expected. God provides so much good in our lives, so many gifts and blessings, and I find that when I take a deep breath and trust in Him, I enjoy seeing how all of these things unfold. It is always a surprise, always a blessing, and I'm so grateful.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My 1st Physical Healing
I am relatively new to Christian Science, having attended my local branch church in Bothell, WA, just in the past couple of years. I was not raised in the church, but rather learned about it from a coworker of mine, who is now a dear friend. Before this time, I had heard of Christian Science but hadn’t really known what it was. But as I learned more about the church and about its founder, Mary Baker Eddy, I became more interested and started attending Wednesday evening testimony meetings and Sunday services.
About a year ago, I had my first physical healing as a student of Christian Science: a healing of severe menstrual cramps. This is something that I had suffered from for over 15 years, and that I had just accepted as part of my reality. On this particular day in October 2010, it seemed worse than ever. I was at work and I didn’t seem to be able to do much more than just slump over my desk. Every once and a while I would try to sit up and answer some emails, but it was not a very productive morning at all. I tried to move around a little; I tried to drink some water, but no matter what I did, the pain did not abate.
After about 3 hours of this, the thought came to me to talk with my friend. I walked over, sat down, and shared with her what I was struggling with. This friend took one look at me, gave me a loving smile, and told me that I did not need to believe in this lie of discomfort and pain. She talked about the story from Genesis of Adam and Eve, and how the claim that there was a curse on women from Eve's sin was not true. She said that I did not have to accept this into my reality, and that I was God’s beautiful daughter, wholly spiritual. She reminded me that we were made in the image and likeness of God, and we could trust “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). She told me that we were blessed, not cursed, and we didn’t have to put up with anything less than good.
We talked for only about 5 minutes, but when I stood up I noticed that the pain was significantly less. A minute later, it was completely gone. Furthermore, I don't experience this pain anymore, and it has been such a freedom for me.
This first healing means a lot to me as it was a turning point in my study of Christian Science. It was an example in my own life that I could base other healings on, and it has also helped me in talking with other people about Christian Science and its healing effect. Shortly after this healing, I became more involved in church, and am now a member of my branch church and of the Mother Church. I am so overjoyed to have experienced such a wonderful expression of God’s healing love.
About a year ago, I had my first physical healing as a student of Christian Science: a healing of severe menstrual cramps. This is something that I had suffered from for over 15 years, and that I had just accepted as part of my reality. On this particular day in October 2010, it seemed worse than ever. I was at work and I didn’t seem to be able to do much more than just slump over my desk. Every once and a while I would try to sit up and answer some emails, but it was not a very productive morning at all. I tried to move around a little; I tried to drink some water, but no matter what I did, the pain did not abate.
After about 3 hours of this, the thought came to me to talk with my friend. I walked over, sat down, and shared with her what I was struggling with. This friend took one look at me, gave me a loving smile, and told me that I did not need to believe in this lie of discomfort and pain. She talked about the story from Genesis of Adam and Eve, and how the claim that there was a curse on women from Eve's sin was not true. She said that I did not have to accept this into my reality, and that I was God’s beautiful daughter, wholly spiritual. She reminded me that we were made in the image and likeness of God, and we could trust “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). She told me that we were blessed, not cursed, and we didn’t have to put up with anything less than good.
We talked for only about 5 minutes, but when I stood up I noticed that the pain was significantly less. A minute later, it was completely gone. Furthermore, I don't experience this pain anymore, and it has been such a freedom for me.
This first healing means a lot to me as it was a turning point in my study of Christian Science. It was an example in my own life that I could base other healings on, and it has also helped me in talking with other people about Christian Science and its healing effect. Shortly after this healing, I became more involved in church, and am now a member of my branch church and of the Mother Church. I am so overjoyed to have experienced such a wonderful expression of God’s healing love.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
One God
Last weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a church retreat in Toronto with people from all over the world. The attendees are all involved in branch churches in their own communities and also involved in the overall broader movement of the church. At this weekend retreat, which was called a youth summit, I made a lot of new friends, reconnected with people I had met before at previous church retreats/events/church services, and had a lot of great spiritual insights. The theme of the weekend was "Unity: One world, One family, One God." Over the 3 days of the retreat, we kept coming back to this idea of One God, and the One Mind that unified us all; not just those of us at the retreat, but that unified everyone in the world.
I returned back to Seattle late Sunday night, so inspired and amazed at the wonderful weekend I had had. I couldn't wait to share these insights and spiritual ideas with my friends and family.
On Monday morning, I got a text from my mother saying that there had been a stabbing at Snohomish High School, where I had attended, and where my little sister currently attends. (This was a huge surprise, Snohomish is a very peaceful and safe place overall.) My mom's text was brief, just a fragment of a sentence. I quickly texted my sister, who thankfully had her phone with her and who immediately sent me a text back, saying she was okay. She seemed a little shook up, but said that she had gone home early, along with many of the other kids. I mentally wrapped my sister up in a blanket of love, and texted her back telling her how much I loved her. I did a quick search online and read that while 1 stab victim's injuries were serious, both victims had survived the attack.
Over the past few days since Monday morning, there has been such an outpouring of love from the community and neighboring communities. Not just love shown and expressed for the 2 victims, but also for the young suspect who is obviously having a rough time and made some incredibly poor choices. People who grew up in Snohomish but have since moved away have commented on the online news stories, expressing their love for the community and everyone who still lives there, the high school, the teachers and students, and anyone else involved. Neighboring high schools, rivals when it comes to football and soccer games, have sent over huge signs, filled with signatures and notes of support and love. A fund has been set up for people to donate to help the 2 victims and their families. A big boulder in the town, which is frequently spray painted to advertise upcoming football games/birthdays/events, now says, "Small town, big heart." And, yesterday, the rival high school decided to show solidarity and support for the students and staff at SHS by wearing SHS's school colors. There are pictures on Facebook showing a sea of students, all dressed in red, black, and white, and raising their arms towards the camera for the picture. These pictures brought tears to my eyes. The caption of one of these pictures reads, "2 schools. 1 Snohomish."
Last night I was thinking about this expression of unity, of 1 town, and how it related to the weekend summit's theme of 1 God and 1 source of good. We all come from 1 source, we are all made by the same Creator, and we are all created to be reflections of God. As Genesis says, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness" (Gen. 1:26). If we are all made in God's image, we all share the same God-like qualities and can express those qualities. The qualities of love, compassion, tenderness, generosity, and many others are certainly being expressed through the support of members of the community and surrounding areas. And what I love seeing is how that love and support and compassion extends to the young girl who hurt the 2 other girls... The entire high school and the entire community is wrapped up in this love, inclusive and not leaving anyone out. What a beautiful reality of truth, that nobody can be outside of God's love and care.
This unity is healing. It has already brought people of the community together, and already promoted feelings of love and affection for everyone involved. In just a few days, there has been such an outpouring of love. There have been so many true examples of these wonderful God-like qualities... the same God who created each and every one of us to be expressions of these qualities.
I returned back to Seattle late Sunday night, so inspired and amazed at the wonderful weekend I had had. I couldn't wait to share these insights and spiritual ideas with my friends and family.
On Monday morning, I got a text from my mother saying that there had been a stabbing at Snohomish High School, where I had attended, and where my little sister currently attends. (This was a huge surprise, Snohomish is a very peaceful and safe place overall.) My mom's text was brief, just a fragment of a sentence. I quickly texted my sister, who thankfully had her phone with her and who immediately sent me a text back, saying she was okay. She seemed a little shook up, but said that she had gone home early, along with many of the other kids. I mentally wrapped my sister up in a blanket of love, and texted her back telling her how much I loved her. I did a quick search online and read that while 1 stab victim's injuries were serious, both victims had survived the attack.
Over the past few days since Monday morning, there has been such an outpouring of love from the community and neighboring communities. Not just love shown and expressed for the 2 victims, but also for the young suspect who is obviously having a rough time and made some incredibly poor choices. People who grew up in Snohomish but have since moved away have commented on the online news stories, expressing their love for the community and everyone who still lives there, the high school, the teachers and students, and anyone else involved. Neighboring high schools, rivals when it comes to football and soccer games, have sent over huge signs, filled with signatures and notes of support and love. A fund has been set up for people to donate to help the 2 victims and their families. A big boulder in the town, which is frequently spray painted to advertise upcoming football games/birthdays/events, now says, "Small town, big heart." And, yesterday, the rival high school decided to show solidarity and support for the students and staff at SHS by wearing SHS's school colors. There are pictures on Facebook showing a sea of students, all dressed in red, black, and white, and raising their arms towards the camera for the picture. These pictures brought tears to my eyes. The caption of one of these pictures reads, "2 schools. 1 Snohomish."
Last night I was thinking about this expression of unity, of 1 town, and how it related to the weekend summit's theme of 1 God and 1 source of good. We all come from 1 source, we are all made by the same Creator, and we are all created to be reflections of God. As Genesis says, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness" (Gen. 1:26). If we are all made in God's image, we all share the same God-like qualities and can express those qualities. The qualities of love, compassion, tenderness, generosity, and many others are certainly being expressed through the support of members of the community and surrounding areas. And what I love seeing is how that love and support and compassion extends to the young girl who hurt the 2 other girls... The entire high school and the entire community is wrapped up in this love, inclusive and not leaving anyone out. What a beautiful reality of truth, that nobody can be outside of God's love and care.
This unity is healing. It has already brought people of the community together, and already promoted feelings of love and affection for everyone involved. In just a few days, there has been such an outpouring of love. There have been so many true examples of these wonderful God-like qualities... the same God who created each and every one of us to be expressions of these qualities.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
A Language of Love
Yesterday as I was driving, I was listening to my Farsi audio lessons on my car stereo. At one point, a Persian woman's voice joined in conversation with the Persian man who had thus far been leading the audio lessons. As soon as she started speaking, I was taken aback, as her voice sounded just like the voice of my best friend's mom. There were slight differences, but the similarity was so strong that I had to turn the stereo off for a minute to let my brain process this new information and the sudden memories I experienced in that moment. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next; but for that moment, I needed it to be quiet.
Here's some background:
One weekend in 2002, my Persian friend needed a ride to her parents' house up in Vancouver, Canada, and I was more than happy to take her there. Our college was a mere 20 minutes south of the Canadian border, which made the entire trip less than an hour long. She asked if I wanted to spend the weekend with her and her family, and I thought that sounded wonderful. She is such a lovely, fabulous friend, and I was excited to meet her family. Well, to make a long story short, I spent many weekends there, and grew closer and closer to her family. I started to pick up some Farsi, and then actively studied it so that I could communicate with my friend's grandmother, who didn't speak much English. I also loved to talk with my friend's mother, Atefeh, who was always so impressed with each new word and phrase I learned; her encouragement and delight with my progress in the language were what made me want to learn as much as I could, as fast as I could. And I not only enjoyed learning the language, but also just listening to it; at the time, to me Farsi was a language that was spoken by a woman who had so much love in her, so much love to share with people, and who was a light to those around her. In that sense, Farsi was a language of love for me. It was a sense of love that constantly called out terms of endearment such as, "Pisheh man," "Batcham," and "Azize delam." The very sound of it was like a big hug that wrapped me up in warmth.
In 2007, Atefeh became suddenly ill, and passed away 6 months later at the age of 57. I took it pretty hard. I didn't feel much of anything for 3 weeks; I was walking around in a haze. I don't even remember much of that time, except that there were a lot of visitors, and a lot of tea. LOTS of tea.
During that time, I worked with adult ESL students, many of them Iranians. Before, when Iranians would come to our office and to our classes, it was as if my soul would light up. I quickly would walk over and strike up a conversation with them. I was often called to our office lobby to translate for them as they were signing up for classes, and also just to give them a sense of comfort or of comraderie if they were nervous about the test-taking process to get into the classes. I loved these interactions. However, after Atefeh passed away, I dreaded being called into the lobby and having to speak Farsi. It was like my brain suddenly rejected Farsi, and I couldn't stand the sound of it anymore. My thinking, however erroneous, was that I didn't want to hear Farsi unless it was coming out of Atefeh's mouth. Otherwise, it just made me cry. I wanted her to be the one talking to me in Farsi, wanted her to be the one saying, "Ofareen!" or "Ghourbounet beram", or the dozens of other loving things that just flowed out of Ati's mouth when she spoke to me. As loving as my Persian students were and as appreciative as they were when I fumbled through my Farsi in my attempt to help them, my heart wasn't there. Or, maybe it was there too much; every word, every sound, and every Persian-style gesture that my students demonstrated as I talked with them was so painful for me. As soon as I could, I would retreat from the lobby back to my office and then try to shove the Farsi out of my brain as quickly as possible.
As time went on, the pain lessened and I was able to communicate more effectively in Farsi, with both my students and with my friend and her family. I didn't strive to learn new Persian words as I had before, but the sound of Farsi became like a beautiful song to my ears once again. I started listening to Googoosh (a Persian singer) again, I attempted some conversation with my friend, and I didn't have that same sense of sadness anytime I was newly introduced to someone from Iran.
After a year or two, I started becoming more involved with Christian Science. I had been introduced to CS by a coworker and dear friend, and started attending Wednesday evening testimony meetings and then eventually the church service on Sundays. And I started feeling a sense of healing in regards to Atefeh. One significant point of healing was a year or 2 after she passed away, when she appeared in my dream one night. She was smiling and laughing, and I remember that she came up to me and gave me a big hug. With that hug, I suddenly realized that she had not gone, that she had always been there. In that moment, I saw that the idea that she was no longer with me was a lie. It was as if a horrible untruth had suddenly been exposed for what it was, and the glorious, correct Truth was standing in front of us in the form of her presence! She was right next to me, she was in my heart, she had been there the whole time, and she always would be. That next day, I gave a testimony about this dream at a Wednesday evening meeting at the church. This dream was a revelation to me.
A few months later, I started talking with a Christian Science practitioner for help with the lingering feelings of grief and loss. We talked about Atefeh, about how she was always with me even when I couldn't see her, and about the love that she gave me. We talked about how this love was God's love, reflected through her onto me, Father-Mother Love. Through this time, I gradually started wanting to learn and speak Farsi again. It just seemed like something I wanted to do, something I had a desire to do. And it was the first time in almost 3 years that I truly wanted to continue my Farsi study again. Talking with this practitioner and feeling the overwhelming sense of God's Love and Truth guiding me and our conversations, I suddenly felt that Farsi no longer had the sadness or the grief attached to it; in the past, it had been a representation of such a strong sense of love for me, and what could possibly change that, ever? Love is by definition God, and God cannot suddenly change from something loving to something sad. God is unchangeable, and could never represent anything mournful or filled with regret or loss. With these thoughts, Farsi again became the beautiful language that it had been for me before, a language of Love.
Over the past few months, I have again strived to learn new vocabulary and carry on conversations in Farsi. What was once a joy in my life, learning a new language, has returned and become a joy again, and the sadness that was attached to it for a couple of years has disappeared. It also became clear to me that what was once a blessing and a comfort to me, my love of Farsi and of everything Iranian, didn't change into something negative; I had thought, mistakenly, that when Atefeh passed away, her love for me and her comforting presence left me alone, and the sudden loss made me want to expunge Farsi from my brain. I know now that Love never left my side. It was always there, unchanging and constant, as God's everpresence and steady comfort.
Yesterday in my car, as I was listening to the Farsi audio lessons, I felt again that Ati was there. After a several-year-long hiatus of learning Farsi, when I finally decided to come back to something that I loved, I was blessed with the memories and the effects of her love on my life, and how she reflected God's love. Hearing a voice that was so similar to hers, it was as if she was telling me, "I'm STILL here, STILL encouraging you, and I have been with you this entire time." It just took a decision on my part to return, and the love that I had always felt when communicating in Farsi was right there waiting for me.
Here's some background:
One weekend in 2002, my Persian friend needed a ride to her parents' house up in Vancouver, Canada, and I was more than happy to take her there. Our college was a mere 20 minutes south of the Canadian border, which made the entire trip less than an hour long. She asked if I wanted to spend the weekend with her and her family, and I thought that sounded wonderful. She is such a lovely, fabulous friend, and I was excited to meet her family. Well, to make a long story short, I spent many weekends there, and grew closer and closer to her family. I started to pick up some Farsi, and then actively studied it so that I could communicate with my friend's grandmother, who didn't speak much English. I also loved to talk with my friend's mother, Atefeh, who was always so impressed with each new word and phrase I learned; her encouragement and delight with my progress in the language were what made me want to learn as much as I could, as fast as I could. And I not only enjoyed learning the language, but also just listening to it; at the time, to me Farsi was a language that was spoken by a woman who had so much love in her, so much love to share with people, and who was a light to those around her. In that sense, Farsi was a language of love for me. It was a sense of love that constantly called out terms of endearment such as, "Pisheh man," "Batcham," and "Azize delam." The very sound of it was like a big hug that wrapped me up in warmth.
In 2007, Atefeh became suddenly ill, and passed away 6 months later at the age of 57. I took it pretty hard. I didn't feel much of anything for 3 weeks; I was walking around in a haze. I don't even remember much of that time, except that there were a lot of visitors, and a lot of tea. LOTS of tea.
During that time, I worked with adult ESL students, many of them Iranians. Before, when Iranians would come to our office and to our classes, it was as if my soul would light up. I quickly would walk over and strike up a conversation with them. I was often called to our office lobby to translate for them as they were signing up for classes, and also just to give them a sense of comfort or of comraderie if they were nervous about the test-taking process to get into the classes. I loved these interactions. However, after Atefeh passed away, I dreaded being called into the lobby and having to speak Farsi. It was like my brain suddenly rejected Farsi, and I couldn't stand the sound of it anymore. My thinking, however erroneous, was that I didn't want to hear Farsi unless it was coming out of Atefeh's mouth. Otherwise, it just made me cry. I wanted her to be the one talking to me in Farsi, wanted her to be the one saying, "Ofareen!" or "Ghourbounet beram", or the dozens of other loving things that just flowed out of Ati's mouth when she spoke to me. As loving as my Persian students were and as appreciative as they were when I fumbled through my Farsi in my attempt to help them, my heart wasn't there. Or, maybe it was there too much; every word, every sound, and every Persian-style gesture that my students demonstrated as I talked with them was so painful for me. As soon as I could, I would retreat from the lobby back to my office and then try to shove the Farsi out of my brain as quickly as possible.
As time went on, the pain lessened and I was able to communicate more effectively in Farsi, with both my students and with my friend and her family. I didn't strive to learn new Persian words as I had before, but the sound of Farsi became like a beautiful song to my ears once again. I started listening to Googoosh (a Persian singer) again, I attempted some conversation with my friend, and I didn't have that same sense of sadness anytime I was newly introduced to someone from Iran.
After a year or two, I started becoming more involved with Christian Science. I had been introduced to CS by a coworker and dear friend, and started attending Wednesday evening testimony meetings and then eventually the church service on Sundays. And I started feeling a sense of healing in regards to Atefeh. One significant point of healing was a year or 2 after she passed away, when she appeared in my dream one night. She was smiling and laughing, and I remember that she came up to me and gave me a big hug. With that hug, I suddenly realized that she had not gone, that she had always been there. In that moment, I saw that the idea that she was no longer with me was a lie. It was as if a horrible untruth had suddenly been exposed for what it was, and the glorious, correct Truth was standing in front of us in the form of her presence! She was right next to me, she was in my heart, she had been there the whole time, and she always would be. That next day, I gave a testimony about this dream at a Wednesday evening meeting at the church. This dream was a revelation to me.
A few months later, I started talking with a Christian Science practitioner for help with the lingering feelings of grief and loss. We talked about Atefeh, about how she was always with me even when I couldn't see her, and about the love that she gave me. We talked about how this love was God's love, reflected through her onto me, Father-Mother Love. Through this time, I gradually started wanting to learn and speak Farsi again. It just seemed like something I wanted to do, something I had a desire to do. And it was the first time in almost 3 years that I truly wanted to continue my Farsi study again. Talking with this practitioner and feeling the overwhelming sense of God's Love and Truth guiding me and our conversations, I suddenly felt that Farsi no longer had the sadness or the grief attached to it; in the past, it had been a representation of such a strong sense of love for me, and what could possibly change that, ever? Love is by definition God, and God cannot suddenly change from something loving to something sad. God is unchangeable, and could never represent anything mournful or filled with regret or loss. With these thoughts, Farsi again became the beautiful language that it had been for me before, a language of Love.
Over the past few months, I have again strived to learn new vocabulary and carry on conversations in Farsi. What was once a joy in my life, learning a new language, has returned and become a joy again, and the sadness that was attached to it for a couple of years has disappeared. It also became clear to me that what was once a blessing and a comfort to me, my love of Farsi and of everything Iranian, didn't change into something negative; I had thought, mistakenly, that when Atefeh passed away, her love for me and her comforting presence left me alone, and the sudden loss made me want to expunge Farsi from my brain. I know now that Love never left my side. It was always there, unchanging and constant, as God's everpresence and steady comfort.
Yesterday in my car, as I was listening to the Farsi audio lessons, I felt again that Ati was there. After a several-year-long hiatus of learning Farsi, when I finally decided to come back to something that I loved, I was blessed with the memories and the effects of her love on my life, and how she reflected God's love. Hearing a voice that was so similar to hers, it was as if she was telling me, "I'm STILL here, STILL encouraging you, and I have been with you this entire time." It just took a decision on my part to return, and the love that I had always felt when communicating in Farsi was right there waiting for me.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
In God's presence, always!
Or,
Nothing out of place
Sometime in March of 2011, I woke up and felt some discomfort around my rib cage. This had happened before—every couple of months or so for a few years. In previous occurrences I would just stretch until I heard a popping sound, and then everything would feel better.
However, on this particular day, no amount of stretching made any difference. Something inside my chest felt out of place, and it was painful to breathe throughout the day.
At the time I was a new student of Christian Science, and towards the end of the day, the idea came to me to deal with this challenge using what I’d learned in studying Christian Science.
That night I attended a Wednesday evening testimony meeting at the Christian Science church I attend. Part of the meeting is a time for testimonies, where people can stand up and share healings and spiritual insights they have had in practicing Christian Science.
While I was sitting in a pew waiting for the next person to share a testimony, I thought of God’s ever-presence and a quote by Mary Baker Eddy: “Spirit is supreme and all-presence” (Science and Health, p. 278).
I thought about how I’d perceived my ribs to be out of place—as if something in me, something God had created, could ever be out of place or not right where it should be. But Christian Science taught me that nothing in God’s existence could ever be anywhere else than where it should be.
This made me think of a situation I was having with my job at the time. I’d recently left my teaching position of five years to take a job in a completely different field, with a local non-profit organization.
This new job came as an answer to a prayer, but after the first week or two, I wasn’t sure it was the right placement for me after all.
As I sat in church, I realized I could never be in the wrong spot if God was with me. At once I felt at peace with my current job. God had opened the doors for me to have this job. And since He was there guiding my every move, I knew then that at that time in my life, it was the perfect place of employment for my particular God-given skills and interests.
At that moment, I suddenly felt an almost tangible presence that God was right there with me. It felt like His presence and love were like a blanket surrounding me. This warm and embracing feeling encompassed my entire body, head to foot.
The thought came to me: if God is here, closer than my breath, and He is in the right place at all times, then I couldn’t possibly be in the wrong place. And nothing within me could be in the wrong place either.
A verse from Deuteronomy explains how close and present God is: “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed” (Deut. 31:8).
I felt so peaceful—like I was exactly where I should be, with God orchestrating everything to follow His perfection. By the time the service ended, the pain in my chest had lessened. For the rest of the night, I thought of His presence and how everything was just as it should be. Nothing could be out of place. And by the next morning, the pain was completely gone.
I was so grateful. A few months later, I started to feel a bit of discomfort in my rib cage again. But the discomfort disappeared again moments after I reminded myself of the truths I knew and the peace I’d experienced from this wonderful healing.
Since then, I’ve not experienced any further discomfort from my rib cage. I’m so grateful for God’s omnipresence, and I’m grateful for Christian Science, which is with me the whole time.
Love is a Blanket
I’m wrapped up in a blanket of Love,
A good and “perfect gift” from above.
Keeping me safe, secure, and warm,
Uniquely fitted, a customized form.
Love is an ever-present protection,
Surrounding me as His own reflection.
Love is always in the right place,
And encompassing me in every case,
Where I am is correct and right,
Bathed in Love’s wonderful light.
--KB
Nothing out of place
Sometime in March of 2011, I woke up and felt some discomfort around my rib cage. This had happened before—every couple of months or so for a few years. In previous occurrences I would just stretch until I heard a popping sound, and then everything would feel better.
However, on this particular day, no amount of stretching made any difference. Something inside my chest felt out of place, and it was painful to breathe throughout the day.
At the time I was a new student of Christian Science, and towards the end of the day, the idea came to me to deal with this challenge using what I’d learned in studying Christian Science.
That night I attended a Wednesday evening testimony meeting at the Christian Science church I attend. Part of the meeting is a time for testimonies, where people can stand up and share healings and spiritual insights they have had in practicing Christian Science.
While I was sitting in a pew waiting for the next person to share a testimony, I thought of God’s ever-presence and a quote by Mary Baker Eddy: “Spirit is supreme and all-presence” (Science and Health, p. 278).
I thought about how I’d perceived my ribs to be out of place—as if something in me, something God had created, could ever be out of place or not right where it should be. But Christian Science taught me that nothing in God’s existence could ever be anywhere else than where it should be.
This made me think of a situation I was having with my job at the time. I’d recently left my teaching position of five years to take a job in a completely different field, with a local non-profit organization.
This new job came as an answer to a prayer, but after the first week or two, I wasn’t sure it was the right placement for me after all.
As I sat in church, I realized I could never be in the wrong spot if God was with me. At once I felt at peace with my current job. God had opened the doors for me to have this job. And since He was there guiding my every move, I knew then that at that time in my life, it was the perfect place of employment for my particular God-given skills and interests.
At that moment, I suddenly felt an almost tangible presence that God was right there with me. It felt like His presence and love were like a blanket surrounding me. This warm and embracing feeling encompassed my entire body, head to foot.
The thought came to me: if God is here, closer than my breath, and He is in the right place at all times, then I couldn’t possibly be in the wrong place. And nothing within me could be in the wrong place either.
A verse from Deuteronomy explains how close and present God is: “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed” (Deut. 31:8).
I felt so peaceful—like I was exactly where I should be, with God orchestrating everything to follow His perfection. By the time the service ended, the pain in my chest had lessened. For the rest of the night, I thought of His presence and how everything was just as it should be. Nothing could be out of place. And by the next morning, the pain was completely gone.
I was so grateful. A few months later, I started to feel a bit of discomfort in my rib cage again. But the discomfort disappeared again moments after I reminded myself of the truths I knew and the peace I’d experienced from this wonderful healing.
Since then, I’ve not experienced any further discomfort from my rib cage. I’m so grateful for God’s omnipresence, and I’m grateful for Christian Science, which is with me the whole time.
Love is a Blanket
I’m wrapped up in a blanket of Love,
A good and “perfect gift” from above.
Keeping me safe, secure, and warm,
Uniquely fitted, a customized form.
Love is an ever-present protection,
Surrounding me as His own reflection.
Love is always in the right place,
And encompassing me in every case,
Where I am is correct and right,
Bathed in Love’s wonderful light.
--KB
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