A couple of weeks ago I thought I had hit my financial wall. My roommate moved out in early December and I had made the choice to, for the time being, not advertise for another roommate. I opted to live by myself and see how that played out financially. However, in the few months since December, things seemed to get tighter and tighter, money-wise. From the material standpoint, I faced a daunting challenge. I did the math again and again, and it just didn't seem as though I could continue living by myself and also pay the mortgage. Also, there were a number of projects and activities that I was (and am currently) working on, and these projects, while inspired by love and good intentions, did not seem to be helping the financial picture. To sum it up, I was starting to feel as if I was speeding head-on towards an impenetrable wall.
I spoke with a dear friend about this, and was gently reminded that God is always there with me. We talked about how it was guaranteed that the resources would be provided; we are God's children and He cares for us. Our future is secure, our present -- our NOW -- is secure, our health is secure, our well-being is secure. My friend's loving comments, inspired by Truth and God's word, were such a relief to me. For the next few days, I thought about the concept of always being provided for, of always being in the presence of God's Love and care and generosity.
Mary Baker Eddy has a statement in her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures that talks about this divine provision: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494). I thought about this, and prayed to see how this would be manifested in my life. And then things started to happen, 1 by 1, and the situation didn't seem nearly as challenging as before.
Some of these happenings seemed to be so random, but I knew that these things were all orchestrated by God. In the book of Romans it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good" (Romans 8:28). For example, I was driving up to Canada for the weekend and remembered that I had a bank account in Bellingham, which is between my current home and Canada. The account was from my days at Western Washington University, and the bank account still had some money in it. I checked my wallet and sure enough, the debit card was still there and was current. A few days before, I had received a random check in the mail (a Jiffy Lube rebate) that I had forgotten about. And even the smallest things were so appreciated and, frankly, made me realize that God was looking out for me and maybe even had a bit of a sense of humor about it. I laughed one afternoon while I was walking Vinnie, my dog. He stopped somewhere and was sniffing something; I looked down, and he had found a crisp $1 bill in the grass. So small, but it was just a reminder that things happen in ways we would never even think of. Furthermore, if I could train Vinnie to sniff out money, that would be something else...
I was already feeling pretty good at this point; not because the material situation had changed that much, but because I was feeling God's presence and realizing that I didn't have to worry. These events were like little gifts, and they gave me hope that things were going to be all right. In the next few days, I received 2 inquiries about dogsitting, something that I do on the side for friends and coworkers. A few other things happened over a course of 2 weeks that were just more reminders of God's constant care and love.
As I thought about the above quote from Mary Baker Eddy, and thought about the recent blessings I was allowing myself to be aware of, I also was reminded of a similar experience a few months before when I was preparing to go on my trip to London and Ethiopia. The financial situation seemed a bit grim then too, but in wonderful and unexpected ways, everything was completely provided for. I hadn't needed to worry. In that situation, I was starting the preliminary steps to establish my non-profit, and was buying plane tickets to Ethiopia and back. At the same time, I still needed to put time and money into the non-profit to get as much work done on it as I could before I reached Ethiopia; once I got there, I wasn't sure how much time I would have for paperwork and for getting things in order, so I wanted the organization to be up and running by then.
But... things kept happening before I left for Ethiopia and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go. And with each thing that happened, there was suddenly a solution. My car broke down a couple of times right before I was going to buy the plane tickets, but a mechanic friend fixed it for me both times. One evening, I wasn't sure how I was going to afford to buy gas for my car to get to work the next morning. I was packing for my trip and cleaning my room at the same time, and as I was cleaning, I found a gas gift card that I hadn't used yet. Also while cleaning my room, I found a bunch of foreign currency (bills from Malaysia, Thailand, China) that I hadn't yet exchanged at the bank. Also in the weeks before I left for my trip, I experienced so much love and support from my friends and family; it was so heart-warming. I don't even remember talking about the tight situation that I thought I was in, but it didn't matter that I hadn't talked about it; God knew, and that was all that mattered. People reached out and helped me with everything that I needed. It was remarkable.
There are so many things that we don't know, so many situations we are faced with that may seem difficult or extreme or impossible... And in my experience, it seems that the solutions come in ways that I never would have expected. God provides so much good in our lives, so many gifts and blessings, and I find that when I take a deep breath and trust in Him, I enjoy seeing how all of these things unfold. It is always a surprise, always a blessing, and I'm so grateful.
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