Hitting the Financial Wall?

This is an experience I had recently, in the past couple of weeks. Sometimes I'm amazed at the number of blessings in my life, and how they come about. Always a surprise and always a gift.

A couple of weeks ago I thought I had hit my financial wall. My roommate moved out in early December and I had made the choice to, for the time being, not advertise for another roommate. I opted to live by myself and see how that played out financially. However, in the few months since December, things seemed to get tighter and tighter, money-wise. From the material standpoint, I faced a daunting challenge. I did the math again and again, and it just didn't seem as though I could continue living by myself and also pay the mortgage. Also, there were a number of projects and activities that I was (and am currently) working on, and these projects, while inspired by love and good intentions, did not seem to be helping the financial picture. To sum it up, I was starting to feel as if I was speeding head-on towards an impenetrable wall.

I spoke with a dear friend about this, and was gently reminded that God is always there with me. We talked about how it was guaranteed that the resources would be provided; we are God's children and He cares for us. Our future is secure, our present -- our NOW -- is secure, our health is secure, our well-being is secure. My friend's loving comments, inspired by Truth and God's word, were such a relief to me. For the next few days, I thought about the concept of always being provided for, of always being in the presence of God's Love and care and generosity.

Mary Baker Eddy has a statement in her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures that talks about this divine provision: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494). I thought about this, and prayed to see how this would be manifested in my life. And then things started to happen, 1 by 1, and the situation didn't seem nearly as challenging as before.

Some of these happenings seemed to be so random, but I knew that these things were all orchestrated by God. In the book of Romans it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good" (Romans 8:28). For example, I was driving up to Canada for the weekend and remembered that I had a bank account in Bellingham, which is between my current home and Canada. The account was from my days at Western Washington University, and the bank account still had some money in it. I checked my wallet and sure enough, the debit card was still there and was current. A few days before, I had received a random check in the mail (a Jiffy Lube rebate) that I had forgotten about. And even the smallest things were so appreciated and, frankly, made me realize that God was looking out for me and maybe even had a bit of a sense of humor about it. I laughed one afternoon while I was walking Vinnie, my dog. He stopped somewhere and was sniffing something; I looked down, and he had found a crisp $1 bill in the grass. So small, but it was just a reminder that things happen in ways we would never even think of. Furthermore, if I could train Vinnie to sniff out money, that would be something else...

I was already feeling pretty good at this point; not because the material situation had changed that much, but because I was feeling God's presence and realizing that I didn't have to worry. These events were like little gifts, and they gave me hope that things were going to be all right. In the next few days, I received 2 inquiries about dogsitting, something that I do on the side for friends and coworkers. A few other things happened over a course of 2 weeks that were just more reminders of God's constant care and love.

As I thought about the above quote from Mary Baker Eddy, and thought about the recent blessings I was allowing myself to be aware of, I also was reminded of a similar experience a few months before when I was preparing to go on my trip to London and Ethiopia. The financial situation seemed a bit grim then too, but in wonderful and unexpected ways, everything was completely provided for. I hadn't needed to worry. In that situation, I was starting the preliminary steps to establish my non-profit, and was buying plane tickets to Ethiopia and back. At the same time, I still needed to put time and money into the non-profit to get as much work done on it as I could before I reached Ethiopia; once I got there, I wasn't sure how much time I would have for paperwork and for getting things in order, so I wanted the organization to be up and running by then.

But... things kept happening before I left for Ethiopia and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go. And with each thing that happened, there was suddenly a solution. My car broke down a couple of times right before I was going to buy the plane tickets, but a mechanic friend fixed it for me both times. One evening, I wasn't sure how I was going to afford to buy gas for my car to get to work the next morning. I was packing for my trip and cleaning my room at the same time, and as I was cleaning, I found a gas gift card that I hadn't used yet. Also while cleaning my room, I found a bunch of foreign currency (bills from Malaysia, Thailand, China) that I hadn't yet exchanged at the bank. Also in the weeks before I left for my trip, I experienced so much love and support from my friends and family; it was so heart-warming. I don't even remember talking about the tight situation that I thought I was in, but it didn't matter that I hadn't talked about it; God knew, and that was all that mattered. People reached out and helped me with everything that I needed. It was remarkable.

There are so many things that we don't know, so many situations we are faced with that may seem difficult or extreme or impossible... And in my experience, it seems that the solutions come in ways that I never would have expected. God provides so much good in our lives, so many gifts and blessings, and I find that when I take a deep breath and trust in Him, I enjoy seeing how all of these things unfold. It is always a surprise, always a blessing, and I'm so grateful.

In God's presence, always!

Or,
Nothing out of place

Sometime in March of 2011, I woke up and felt some discomfort around my rib cage. This had happened before—every couple of months or so for a few years. In previous occurrences I would just stretch until I heard a popping sound, and then everything would feel better. 

However, on this particular day, no amount of stretching made any difference. Something inside my chest felt out of place, and it was painful to breathe throughout the day.

At the time I was a new student of Christian Science, and towards the end of the day, the idea came to me to deal with this challenge using what I’d learned in studying Christian Science. 

That night I attended a Wednesday evening testimony meeting at the Christian Science church I attend. Part of the meeting is a time for testimonies, where people can stand up and share healings and spiritual insights they have had in practicing Christian Science. 

While I was sitting in a pew waiting for the next person to share a testimony, I thought of God’s ever-presence and a quote by Mary Baker Eddy: “Spirit is supreme and all-presence” (Science and Health, p. 278).

I thought about how I’d perceived my ribs to be out of place—as if something in me, something God had created, could ever be out of place or not right where it should be. But Christian Science taught me that nothing in God’s existence could ever be anywhere else than where it should be.

This made me think of a situation I was having with my job at the time. I’d recently left my teaching position of five years to take a job in a completely different field, with a local non-profit organization. 
This new job came as an answer to a prayer, but after the first week or two, I wasn’t sure it was the right placement for me after all. 

As I sat in church, I realized I could never be in the wrong spot if God was with me. At once I felt at peace with my current job. God had opened the doors for me to have this job. And since He was there guiding my every move, I knew then that at that time in my life, it was the perfect place of employment for my particular God-given skills and interests.

At that moment, I suddenly felt an almost tangible presence that God was right there with me. It felt like His presence and love were like a blanket surrounding me. This warm and embracing feeling encompassed my entire body, head to foot. 

The thought came to me: if God is here, closer than my breath, and He is in the right place at all times, then I couldn’t possibly be in the wrong place. And nothing within me could be in the wrong place either. 
A verse from Deuteronomy explains how close and present God is: “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed” (Deut. 31:8). 

I felt so peaceful—like I was exactly where I should be, with God orchestrating everything to follow His perfection. By the time the service ended, the pain in my chest had lessened. For the rest of the night, I thought of His presence and how everything was just as it should be. Nothing could be out of place. And by the next morning, the pain was completely gone. 

I was so grateful. A few months later, I started to feel a bit of discomfort in my rib cage again. But the discomfort disappeared again moments after I reminded myself of the truths I knew and the peace I’d experienced from this wonderful healing. 

Since then, I’ve not experienced any further discomfort from my rib cage. I’m so grateful for God’s omnipresence, and I’m grateful for Christian Science, which is with me the whole time. 



Love is a Blanket
I’m wrapped up in a blanket of Love,
A good and “perfect gift” from above.
Keeping me safe, secure, and warm,
Uniquely fitted, a customized form.
Love is an ever-present protection,
Surrounding me as His own reflection.
Love is always in the right place,
And encompassing me in every case,
Where I am is correct and right,
Bathed in Love’s wonderful light.

--KB

God, Vinnie, and me

I recently adopted a puppy from a local animal shelter. After some deliberation and brainstorming, my friend suggested the name "Vincent" for my puppy, and it stuck, but I call him "Vinnie" for short. He is a medium-sized dog, a mix between a yellow labrador and a beagle. He has a lot of energy and always keeps me on my toes. While raising and training a puppy is challenging at times, I am amazed by how much this dog teaches me about life and even about my own relationship with God.

When Vinnie gets hurt or scared, he comes running to me, and he whimpers if I don't immediately notice that he is in pain. He trusts me and knows I will take care of him. I feed him every day, give him affection, create safe boundaries for him, make sure he acts appropriately with gentle but firm reminders about his behavior, and am there for him and with him every day.

Vinnie trusts me and feels secure in my presence. His innocent trust and reliance on me remind me of the reliance and trust that are in my relationship with God. When I feel hurt or am dealing with a challenge, I should be going straight to God, like Vinnie comes straight to me. God is always there for me, always feeds and comforts me, and is with me every day just like I am with Vinnie every day. But sometimes I wonder if I have the same trust in God that Vinnie has in me. Do I pray as soon as I am in discomfort, or do I try to figure it out by myself first, as if I know better than God?

Along the same lines, what would it look like if Vinnie tried to solve all his problems on his own? I imagine Vinnie running out of food, and trying to open the front door of our place so he can run to the nearest PetSmart. Poor little guy wouldn't know what to do when he found out he couldn't turn the doorknob without thumbs. And when he DID get to PetSmart, I have no doubt that he could sniff out his favorite food. But then how would he pay for the food, once he dragged the 38.5 pound (17.4 kg) bag to the counter? I've certainly never seen the little guy sporting a wallet, and I don't give him an allowance or anything.

I start to wonder if I am as ineffectual when I try to do things on my own, without looking to God as my source of good. I just don't have the tools or the resources, much like Vinnie lacks the thumbs, to get the job done or to care for myself effectively. All I need to do is trust in God, and all these things will be provided for. "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? ... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6: 31, 33). In my almost 30 years on this earth, I have never suffered from not having something; God has always provided. This also reminds me of a quote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494).

So is the conclusion that Vinnie is smarter than me when it comes to knowing who to turn to in times of trouble? Quite possibly. But Vinnie seems to demonstrate many wonderful qualities that I would also like to demonstrate. There is so much in him that is God-like; he is so loving, trusting, affectionate, comforting, supportive, kind, and he is always there. I saw a video on YouTube that really spoke to me, about the qualities that dogs have that remind us of qualities that God has. The link to the video is here. One of my favorite lines of the song in the video is, "They (God and dogs) would stay with us all day; I'm the one that walks away. But both of them just wait for me, and dance at my return with glee" (GoD And DoG, Wendy Francisco).

That childlike sense of innocence and trust that Vinnie shows me every day inspire me to relate to God in that same way, without giving a second thought to "fixing things my way" or trying to solve problems myself before going to Him. Why wait to run to him? He has been there right by my side for every step of my life, and He will be with me forever. All I have to do is reach out and take His hand.