Sunday, September 22, 2013

Loneliness

About 3 years ago I was traveling overseas, visiting some European countries. I love travelling, exploring new countries and cultures, eating new food and hearing new languages. But usually when I travel, whether I am traveling alone or with someone, I spend long periods of time by myself. I write, I take pictures, I think about things... I love this alone time, but because I'm away from home and from everything familiar in my life, I can feel pretty lonely sometimes.

This particular trip was no exception. I even felt so lonely one day that I contacted a Christian Science practitioner in the country I was traveling through, to see if they could pray with me. Unfortunately, they were unavailable as they were in the U.S., doing a series of lectures. Instead of contacting another practitioner to see if they were available, I decided to visit the nearby Christian Science branch church that next Sunday, and to continue praying on my own.

That Sunday, I slept through my alarm and woke up about 45 minutes before the church service was to start. I quickly got dressed and the friend I was staying with walked me over to the church. Neither of us was certain where it was, but somehow we found it. I went inside and my friend walked back home, after making sure I would know how to get back to her place.

I walked in and was immediately greeted with a smile from the usher at the door. He didn't recognize me as a member of that church, and so he asked me where I was from, and how I liked my trip so far. I felt so cared about, just from these simple questions. I then walked into the sanctuary and found a place to sit, but not before a handful of other people all smiled at me and made me feel incredibly welcome.

That week, the bible lesson was, "God the only cause and creator." I remember thinking that each of the bible verses and citations from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy, was written specifically for me. Each citation resonated with me, and seemed applicable to what I was dealing with at the time, a deep sense of loneliness. Up until that time, I had felt that much of my sense of worth came from other people; what they thought of me, if they loved me or thought I was lovable. I knew on an intellectual level that God's opinion was the only one that mattered, and I knew He loved me, but I was still struggling with this idea on an emotional level. When I heard, "Without him was not any thing made that was made" (John 1:3), I was reminded that God was the creator of everyone and everything. And when I heard, "There is but one primal cause" (S&H, 207:20), that reminded me that He alone was responsible for all the good in my life. As the bible lesson continued, I was struck by how relevant it was to what I was working on.

After a couple minutes of listening to the lesson, and feeling such love and care from the people, essentially the strangers, around me in the church, I felt this incredible feeling of warmth and wholeness enveloping my entire being. It felt tangible, this feeling of being a complete and loved creation of God, and having everything I needed right there. I no longer felt lonely, or broken, or like I was lacking anything or anyone. It was amazing.

I continued with the rest of my trip, and didn't feel the sense of loneliness that I had been feeling up until that wonderful church service.