Friday, July 29, 2011

The lies we believe

Have you ever believed something that someone told you, even though it seemed incredibly implausible? What is even more bizarre is that sometimes we believe lies about ourselves, things people claim that we are or labels they give us, when there is really no basis or evidence for these claims.

One evening, about 10 years ago, I was playing Taboo (or some game that was very similar) with 2 of my close friends. The concept of the game is to draw a card with a word on it, and to give the other players enough clues so that they are able to guess the word. There is a small list of other words on the card that they cannot use, and these are usually words that would make the challenge of the game practically non-existent. For example, if the word on the card was "kangaroo", you couldn't use the following words: pouch, hop, animal, Australia, captain.

So my friends and I were playing this game. Let's call 1 friend "Maria" and the other friend "Alice." It was Maria's turn to try to get Alice and me to guess. Maria drew a card, and suddenly got a big smile on her face. Alice and I knew this meant that the word was an easy one, and we were ready to guess! :) Maria said, "Okay! This is something that I just got." Alice and I looked at each other and simultaneously shouted, "A tattoo!" We were so pleased with our quick answer and our coinciding brilliance.

However, Maria looked really confused, and then shook her head. Suddenly, the 3 of us burst out laughing. Maria hadn't gotten a tattoo at all. Something about the phrasing of Maria's prompt made Alice and I instantly think of "tattoo," but that was not the case at all. I don't even think Maria wanted, or will ever want, a tattoo. And I have no idea why Alice and I both said that, with such confidence, at the same time! The correct answer was "a job." Maria had just been hired for a part-time job after school.

What was even funnier was that as soon as Alice and I screamed, "A tattoo!" with such conviction, Maria questioned this false statement herself. After our laughter died down, she told us that she had a momentary feeling of panic that she HAD gotten a tattoo. After all, Alice and I told her that she had! :) She had to double-check the card in front of her (and her memory) to reassure herself that hadn't gotten a tattoo and that that wasn't the key word.

I was reading the Christian Science Sentinel today, and there was an article in there that reminded me of this story from my childhood. The article talked about how, even though we can feel pretty confident in what we know, all it takes is a little lie to throw us off course. We may be CERTAIN that we don't have a tattoo, or that we are good at our job, or that our cooking skills are pretty good. But then one seed of doubt comes along, one bad review at work, one child who doesn't like vegetables, and all our confidence goes out the window.

In my experience, it has been essential, even life-saving, to know what is true about me. When doubts try to walk through the door of my thought, or climb through the windows, or even dig a hole under the foundation of my house (they can be pretty persistent sometimes!), I have to hold onto what I know to be true. Some of these truths about me are that I am a beautiful creation of God, made in His image and likeness, I have many good qualities, and that God loves me, has always loved me, and will always love me. These are the facts of my identity, and I should not believe any lies about who I am or what my true identity is.

In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy, she says, “Stand porter at the door of thought" (Page 392). Sometimes when I am questioning my identity, or my goodness, I think of this passage and it reminds me to be in control of the thoughts that I have. I ask myself, "What am I letting in to my thought?" If it is not positive, doesn't uplift me in any way, or is not from God, does it really belong there?

It may seem preposterous to suddenly think you have a tattoo just because someone tells you so. Along these lines of reasoning, it is also equally preposterous to believe a lie about our character or our lack of goodness. Our true nature, our truth, comes from God, and whatever anyone else tells us is only true if it aligns with what God already knows about us.

Friday, July 22, 2011

God, Vinnie, and me

I recently adopted a puppy from a local animal shelter. After some deliberation and brainstorming, my friend suggested the name "Vincent" for my puppy, and it stuck, but I call him "Vinnie" for short. He is a medium-sized dog, a mix between a yellow labrador and a beagle. He has a lot of energy and always keeps me on my toes. While raising and training a puppy is challenging at times, I am amazed by how much this dog teaches me about life and even about my own relationship with God.



When Vinnie gets hurt or scared, he comes running to me, and he whimpers if I don't immediately notice that he is in pain. He trusts me and knows I will take care of him. I feed him every day, give him affection, create safe boundaries for him, make sure he acts appropriately with gentle but firm reminders about his behavior, and am there for him and with him every day.


Vinnie trusts me and feels secure in my presence. His innocent trust and reliance on me remind me of the reliance and trust that are in my relationship with God. When I feel hurt or am dealing with a challenge, I should be going straight to God, like Vinnie comes straight to me. God is always there for me, always feeds and comforts me, and is with me every day just like I am with Vinnie every day. But sometimes I wonder if I have the same trust in God that Vinnie has in me. Do I pray as soon as I am in discomfort, or do I try to figure it out by myself first, as if I know better than God?



Along the same lines, what would it look like if Vinnie tried to solve all his problems on his own? I imagine Vinnie running out of food, and trying to open the front door of our place so he can run to the nearest PetSmart. Poor little guy wouldn't know what to do when he found out he couldn't turn the doorknob without thumbs. And when he DID get to PetSmart, I have no doubt that he could sniff out his favorite food. But then how would he pay for the food, once he dragged the 38.5 pound (17.4 kg) bag to the counter? I've certainly never seen the little guy sporting a wallet, and I don't give him an allowance or anything.

I start to wonder if I am as ineffectual when I try to do things on my own, without looking to God as my source of good. I just don't have the tools or the resources, much like Vinnie lacks the thumbs, to get the job done or to care for myself effectively. All I need to do is trust in God, and all these things will be provided for. "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? ... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6: 31, 33). In my almost 30 years on this earth, I have never suffered from not having something; God has always provided. This also reminds me of a quote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy: "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need" (Pg. 494).




So is the conclusion that Vinnie is smarter than me when it comes to knowing who to turn to in times of trouble? Quite possibly. But Vinnie seems to demonstrate many wonderful qualities that I would also like to demonstrate. There is so much in him that is God-like; he is so loving, trusting, affectionate, comforting, supportive, kind, and he is always there. I saw a video on YouTube that really spoke to me, about the qualities that dogs have that remind us of qualities that God has. The link to the video is here. One of my favorite lines of the song in the video is, "They (God and dogs) would stay with us all day; I'm the one that walks away. But both of them just wait for me, and dance at my return with glee" (GoD And DoG, Wendy Francisco).

That childlike sense of innocence and trust that Vinnie shows me every day inspire me to relate to God in that same way, without giving a second thought to "fixing things my way" or trying to solve problems myself before going to Him. Why wait to run to him? He has been there right by my side for every step of my life, and He will be with me forever. All I have to do is reach out and take His hand.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Fearless Warrior Princess

Yesterday I ran in the Warrior Dash, a 5k+ run that is essentially a big obstacle course. The course includes mud pits, fire hurdles, and climbing over junked-up cars. It was pretty amazing, and I had a great time, even though I didn't GET a great time. But I wasn't running for that purpose anyway, and neither were a lot of the participants. It was pretty obvious from the moment I walked onto the field and headed towards the starting line that people were mainly just interested in having a good time. Many people were dressed in costumes (I saw an Alice and Mr. Rabbit, complete with a blue dress for Alice and a cane for the rabbit), had on face paint, and I even saw a couple of guys donning kilts. (This made the wall-climb and rope ladders a bit precarious, but that's for another post.)




I had originally signed up for the Warrior Dash in November, when one of my long-time friends encouraged his Facebook friends to join him for the run. Seeing as the big event wasn't until July, 8 months later, I impulsively signed up. No matter that I hadn't run in a race for over 10 years, or that I didn't really like exercise that much, beyond the daily walks with Vinnie, my pooch. In 8 months, anything could happen! :) And I was sure I would be in shape by then. I called my dear friend to go with us, a 3rd, and as he was trying to nap at the time, he quickly agreed as long as I promised not to bug him for the rest of the night. Score!

So fast-forward to the end of June, 3 weeks ago. I still hadn't gone on a single run to train for the event. Finally, one afternoon I took Vinnie out and we went for a jog. As Vinnie had never gone jogging with me, he was a bit confused. He kept trying to stop to sniff the grass and pee on the bushes, but we were NOT stopping. I was going to run a mile or 2 if it killed me. The next week, I joined a running group and ran with them 1 time before the date of the Warrior Dash. But hey, 1 time was better than 0 times.

I woke yesterday, the day of the race, with butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't sure how this was going to be, or if I would survive. I quickly jumped in the shower (not sure why I showered before a run full of mud and gunk, but I wasn't thinking, obviously... and obviously not when I signed up for the run, either, or the 8 months I spent NOT training). I checked my phone for the time, and saw that I had missed 2 calls, and had a text message. The butterflies in my stomach increased their frantic flapping, as I knew who had called before I saw his name. It was my friend, calling to cancel. He wasn't feeling well. Ah, well... At least I had my other friend... right???

Another text message came to my phone, this time from Facebook. One of our mutual friends commented on my post about the run, wishing me luck and apologizing that our mutual friend was out of town for a job interview. Wow. I hadn't known this. I quickly texted my friend with the job interview to confirm, and to wish him luck.

So... on my own. And what to do? I quickly grabbed my gear and jumped in the car, figuring I could get to the site of the run and then decide. I figured I would bail on the run as well, but seeing as I was dressed and ready to go, it wouldn't hurt to go. Worst case scenario, I could take pictures of all the other muddy participants.

On my way to the site in North Bend, a dear friend called me. When she heard that my 2 running partners were not running, she consoled me. However, she quickly followed that up with, "But you are a Fearless Warrior Princess! You can do it, Warrior Princess! You go and have fun." Suddenly, I knew that even though I was alone, I could totally do this! I WAS fearless, AND a warrior (although I wasn't so sure about the princess part, but I guess in God's eyes I'm a princess), and I could kick some butt!

I remember a Christian Science practitioner telling me once that I could forget about being nervous or intimidated, 2 very common emotions for me, because I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14). As I was running in the Warrior Dash yesterday, my friend's comments about me being a warrior princess, and this bible verse, were running through my mind. With this wonderful soundtrack, I finished the race and had a great time doing it.